The First Lesson
Season 2, Episode 1
Written by SNEECHY
Directed by Random Cutie Mark
Episode guide
Rainbow Paradise
Nightmare Night Presents...

The First Lesson is the first of the My Little Typesetting episodes in Season Two. It entirely uses episode material from Lesson Zero.

Transcript Edit

Original transcript from Lesson Zero.

Twilight Sparkle: Quill.
Spike: Check.
Twilight Sparkle: Parchment.
Spike: Check.
Twilight Sparkle: Extra ink.
Spike: Check.
Twilight SparkleExtra extra ink.
Spike: Check.
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, is that everything we got?
Spike: Yes.
Twilight Sparkle: Good, as we got everything we need to create up our own checklist and so, are you ready?
Spike: Ready!!
Twilight Sparkle: Item Number One: Make a task list to apply and do at the end of the day.
Spike: [sighs]
[theme song]
Twilight Sparkle: Now, what's our state right now?
Spike: We've already dropped off your cape at the cleaners shop, returned the blackboard you borrowed from Cheerilee to school later on, ordered new parchment and quills from the stationery shop for your exams and so on.
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm... Did you went to the wrong checklist? I did those already last year.
Spike: Probably I borrowed the wrong checklist.
Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, we can remember of something like...
Spike: Maybe cupcakes!
Spike: Cool...
Twilight Sparkle: Uh, thirteen, exactly?
Mrs. Cake: I know you wanted twelve but I accidentally made an extra so it's gonna be alright.
Spike: Ohhh no!
Twilight Sparkle: C'mon, thirteen should be better 'cause twelve is more less than thirteen you see, Mrs. Cake, so no simplicity at it.
Mrs. Cake: Ohh... yeah...
Twilight Sparkle: So I can help you put the icing on the cupcakes if you want if you've asked because the cupcakes look like muffins.
Mrs. Cake: By your pleasure...
Twilight Sparkle: [muttering] Let's get started! So I'll just move some of this one to... hmm... I think I may have scooped too much... oops! Now those two have most. Let's just try this again now... Hmm, no, that won't do either. Let me just... hmm... put some here now, and... no, that's not right, so... A little more on this one, a little bit... wait... adjust... ooh, a little bit here I think, and then here, and... perfect!
Mrs. Cake: Why, thank you Twi...
Twilight Sparkle: Alright, it's now time for-- [splat] oops! Time for your bath, Spikey-Wikey!
Spike: [slurp]
Twilight Sparkle: Isn't it delicious?
Spike: Eh.
Spike: Correct checklist and everything's done!
Twilight Sparkle: It's almost done.
Spike: You forgot that you were supposed to deliver letters to Princess Celestia today, which you- the first time; was late to deliver the report to Celestia and made serious trouble, Twilight! This is the first time you forgot and we're already out of ink!
Twilight Sparkle: I forgot to send a letter to Princess Celestia this week?!
Spike: Calm down now...
Spike: Wha-?
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh!!! My calendar.... my calendar!!!
Spike: You're looking for your calendar?
Twilight Sparkle: When did I sent the last letter?
Spike: Last Tuesday... I think?
Twilight Sparkle: And TODAY is...
Spike: Friday?
Twilight Sparkle: Argh! Nononononononono! If I'll never send her a report til sundown... I'll be... a retard!
Spike: You're now a retard?
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, this is an important case even though it is like a swearing word we have to start up a friendship problem right now and it's important.
Spike: Ditch, please! You know that past in the years the war of the deadline has been started online and we haven't been reporting her.

Twilight Sparkle: This is our only hope, Spike. We have to report to her now or not, or talk about friendship problem thingies!

Spike: You should send that--

Twilight Sparkle: I can't report abuse to her in the name of Solaris...! This is a hard problem!

Spike: Listen to me will--

Twilight Sparkle: What if I was back in Tinterlot to teach the unicorns about wacky math lessons?! What if I became a laughingstock just now?!

Spike: Why don't you pass it out--

Twilight Sparkle: I must be saved by this calamity! If I was sent back to Tinterlot Celestia would brag me to teach the fillies from Unicornia how to do some tests and everything 'cause I was formerly the teacher of Unicorn School?!

Various fillies: [laughing]

Spike: Twilight? Twilight!
Twilight Sparkle: What?
Spike: You can't be a laughingstock as you're gonna teach the fillies from Unicornia some tests in Unicorn school before you were a librarian.
Twilight Sparkle: You're right. I don't want to worry. I've got everything I need in my imagination to report to Princess Celestia before sundown!
Spike: [sighs]
Twilight Sparkle: So... got any problems for me to solve because I can solve as many problems as I can or make up my own problem.
Spike: Huh. Hmm. Huunh. Huh... No problems.
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh] I have to encase some problems in Ponycity right now on duty!
Spike: [sigh] Here we go...
[clock ticking]
Twilight Sparkle: [muttering] Find a problem... Find a problem... Find a problem, Twilight... I'm sure you can solve it before the report.
Rarity: [loud scream]
Twilight Sparkle: Rarity!
Rarity: [more loud screaming]
Twilight Sparkle: What's the matter with the shrieking?!
Rarity: [sobbing] It's loo-o-ost-tt... [gasp] WHYYYYYY?!! WHYYY?! Whyyy could this happen to moi because, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING!!
Twilight Sparkle: What happened, anything alright?
Rarity: [gasp] I lost my favorite precious purple ribbon and it was supposed to be here and there and everywhere but oi can't find it! I can't find i-ii-i-ii-it-t!! How can I finish my latest dress without it?!
Twilight Sparkle: Well, never fear 'cause Twilight's here and she--
Rarity: I found it right now! I just forgot so oh well!
Twilight Sparkle: You lost your ribbon--
Rarity: Mm-hmm.
Twilight Sparkle: --then you found it?
Rarity: Uh-uh.
Twilight Sparkle: Why, even you forget at times because whenever there's trouble, you just always win and not me.
Rarity: One more thing to find.
Twilight Sparkle: Yes?
Rarity: I left my measuring tape somewhere so can you find it for me, please?
Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] Measuring tape? Can do.
Rarity: Twilight? Something wrong-- Twilight?
[clock ticking]
Twilight Sparkle: There's no need to panic right now, me. Because Rarity solved at least one problem.
Rainbow Dash: [assorted grunting and kiai noises]
Twilight Sparkle: What in the name of Solaris? Rainbow Dash and Applejack are fighting each other? Rainbow Dash must've hated Applejack so much and decided to not be her friend and became her foe! Great! Rainbow Dash! Stop! The two of you are fighting because you both hate each other, right? Whatever I do as a good friend I can help to solve your problems and taking up notes.
Rainbow Dash: What do you mean?
Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Rainbow Dash, don't become angry with me... I know you are trying to kill yourselves because of that.
Twilight Sparkle: Now, tell me why you started the fight for no reason.
Rainbow Dash: What do you mean "started the fight"?
Twilight Sparkle: Whatever. Now tell me why you were destroying her property?
Rainbow Dash: Because she told me to, right A.J.?
Applejack: Yes, sir. I wanted to sell some candy by openin' a garbage shop just 'cause we both hate each other fer spicin' it up.
Rainbow Dash: I know, liar!
Applejack: I'd poop in a human's mouth if I were you.
Twilight Sparkle: [yelps]
Rainbow Dash: [screams]
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh]
[clock ticking]
Twilight Sparkle: [sigh] I can't believe even that problem had no solution too. I wish I could help Fluttershy just to become a heaven lesbian.
Bear: [roars]
Fluttershy: [assorted grunts]
Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: [continued assorted grunts]
Twilight Sparkle: How can this be happening all along, why is she trying to fight a bear just for bait?! That's just crude murder! Don't do that!
Fluttershy: Here you go, beary. Having a nice massage is good just because it'll help you keep fit and healthy.
Bear: [growls]
Twilight Sparkle: Why can't it be taken seriously, why not it could be not taken seriously?
[clock ticking]
Twilight Sparkle: [groans] It's gonna be doom! My time in Ponycity! My UPSR exams! No, no. You're a faithful student. You can do this. Ooh! But what if I can't? You can! I must plan myself to report for Celestia until I'll go to heaven!
Spike: Are you talking to... yourself? Sparkle?
Fillies: [laughing]
SpikeSnap out of it!
Twilight Sparkle: Wha?
Spike: Are you 'kay, Twi?
Fillies: [laughing]
Spike: Twilight, I'm really worried. I mean this letter thing is really getting to you all the time. I know you promised to report to Princess Celestia not about abusing reports all the time you weren't in the serious outtake--
Twilight Sparkle: Wait! What about my friends?!
Spike: They're having a picnic, Twilight.
Rarity: Please don't tell me I didn't forget the plates. [gasp] I did. I totally forgot. I forgot to bring them here so, this is THE. WORST. POSSIBLE. THING! [cries] Why, why, why... Uh... What? Why are you not expecting me to do that?
Applejack: You dead, douche?
Twilight Sparkle: No! I am not dead.
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and Rarity: [various shock statements]
Twilight Sparkle: It's just stupid.
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and Rarity: Yes?
Twilight Sparkle: Simply calamity.
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and Rarity: Yes!?
Twilight Sparkle: It's the most stupidiest trouble I've ever been in and I really Very SUPER TRULY need your help!!
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and RarityYES!?
Twilight Sparkle: My letter to Princess Celestia is not delivered, and I haven't learned anything about typesetting!
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and Rarity: [sighs of relief]
Fluttershy: Oh, thank goodness. I thought something like a territory had happened.
Twilight Sparkle: [strangled noises] Something awful had happened! If I don't send the report in time, I'll be a retard! RETARD!
ApplejackFluttershyPinkie PieRainbow Dash, and Rarity: [giggles]
Applejack: No offense, hunny bunny. I would rather judge that Derpy had killed a baby's life in his cryin' guts.
Twilight Sparkle: This is not true. A.J. is a liar. I know you guys to help me find somepony with a problem I can fix before sundown! My whole life already depends!
Pinkie Pie: [giggles] Oh, Tooley, you're such a wozzlefozzle! [laughs]
Applejack: Come on now. Have lava and stop swearin' the droughts.
Twilight Sparkle: [annoyed groans]
Fluttershy: Wow. I've never seen Twilight so grumpy before.
Rarity: Oh, what a drama queen. Mm. We are family...
[clock ticking]
Twilight Sparkle: Clock is ticking, Twilight. Clock. Is. Ticking. Keep it together. If I can't find a problem about that... I'll make a problem about that!
[bird chirping]
Twilight Sparkle: [insane laughs]
Apple BloomScootaloo, and Sweetie Belle: [giggling happily]
Twilight Sparkle: Hi, gurls!
Apple Bloom: Oh, hey, Twilight. Nice day tod--
Twilight Sparkle: [bronx accent] Gr-eat. Jost great. Yuu thrue look like you're doing great thou today! Looks you three should have met a plushie when uh was uh little fulle! This is Smudgy Pants. She was kawaii when I was ur ej, and now I want to give her to yuu!
Scootaloo: Uhh... he's... cool.
Apple Bloom: Yeah. Great.
Sweetie Belle: I really... like his... mane.
Twilight Sparkle: [bronx accent] It's a she and ur thrue urh purfuhct to have a note und kuill to take her otogurph!
Scootaloo: That's... um... good.
Apple Bloom: Yea... great.
Sweetie Belle: I really like HER... mane?